Clippit: The Bottomless Pit of Wisdom and Information

Today, {or shall I say yesterday} when I opened up Microsoft word, the cute little paperclip, otherwise known as the Office Assistant popped up with his not-so-cute tip of the day. This time, he didn't have some advice about how "ctrl-alt-)*(^YTGFJDSI*Y&T^R@" will split something down the middle, insert a table, and remove all your Great Aunt Georgia's age spots. What a relief! I was shocked and amazed, and happy and confused all at once when I looked at the thought bubble coming from a silver paperclip currently engaged in batting his eyelashes at me.

The advice: "This is the last tip."

Does that mean he's never gonna give me a tip again? Just sitting and staring in silence, rolling his eyes to the left, and then to the right, and being helpful...

Perhaps, my Office Assistant expired. Its now time to move on, get a new cute little figure to sit in the upper right hand corner of my computer screen and give me random tips to complex for my simple mind to process. The choice is hard: Do I want The Dot, Mother Nature, Merlin, F1, The Office Logo {stimulating!} Links, or Rocky?

The worse possible option is that this being the last tip, the cycle of interactive paperclip tips will start again. That being the case, I will spend my time searching through the tips searching for any and all that have meaning, relevance, significance, importance, humor, or are understandable to the plebian person. Then I will let you know about them. Worry not, I will be posting again when I reach the end of the cycle and get to the tip, which is "the last tip.” Promise!

Wish me luck! I've owned this computer for 3 years and have just now gotten through all the tips. Its gonna be a long, hard, slog.

Clippit's Words of Wisdom

Remember that cute little paperclip that popped up with some obscure "tip" the last time you opened any Microsoft Office program? Well, I think he's finally hit onto something. "Oh, really?" you ask, skeptically. Yes, really! My proof is right here. Today when I opened up Word to do a little homework, Clippit popped saying:

"Things that go away by themselves can come back by themselves."

Take heart, all ye discouraged parents. Your children will come back to you. If they chose to leave, they can choose to come back. If they are currently draining your pocketbook while attending college, they will come back with a full pocketbook of their own for you to drain when you achieve that Zen-like state of Geriatricity.

Nevertheless, can you imagine how much more fun typing up one's homework would be if Clippit popped up with a witty saying, insightful comment, or notable quote each time? Personally, I think it would be a great idea. Who cares if you can create some unique type of formatting with an obscure keyboard shortcut that is hard to remember and useless to the average person anyways? I should write a letter to Bill Gates, telling him about my idea. Yeah, about that...I have 50 pages to read and an essay to write. We'll keep it in mind...

Kindergarten

That old saying is true: "Everything you need to know, you learned in Kindergarten." The art of holding a marker, coloring in the lines, drawing stick figures, and paying attention to the teacher.

-I paid attention in Kindergarten. Thus, today, in my Bible class, I had a very, very good day. I listened to the teacher, and didn't put my head down on the desk. I didn't talk out of turn either. I used my ABC’s to write my name and a description of my picture. And I held my marker right so I didn't get any coloring on my hands while I was drawing my stick figures on the paper! Yay for me! I drew the awesomest prophet in the class. He was angry, and prophety, and blue cuz I only had a blue marker.

The point of this story is that going to Kindergarten helped me out in my college class today. Everyone should go to Kindergarten. And College. And do some Coloring every once and a while.

The Cheddarwurst

Don't eat the cheddarwurst in the Caf. It messes with your system, man! Though it tastes good, its really not worth it. An idiot like me is better off sticking to hamburgers, mashed potatoes, breakfast cereal, and Belgian waffles.